Captain Boner - by Alex Cothren

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Captain Honor

Brooklyn-based superhero who is capable of flight and superhuman strength. Known as the ‘Guardian of the Bridge’ due to the high number of suicide attempts he has prevented from the Brooklyn Bridge. Captain Honor is currently under review for acceptance into Manhattan’s Hall of Justice supergroup.

Captain Honor

Brooklyn-based superhero who is capable of flight and superhuman strength. Known as the ‘Guardian of the Bridge’ due to the high number of suicide attempts he has prevented from the Brooklyn Bridge, although these rescues have become a source of controversy. Captain Honor is currently under review for acceptance into Manhattan’s Hall of Justice supergroup, but his nomination is in doubt after an anonymous letter sent to The New York Times accused the superhero of sexual assault back in October 2017.

Captain Honor

Controversial Brooklyn-based superhero who is capable of flight and superhuman strength. Known as the ‘Guardian of the Bridge’ due to the high number of suicide attempts he has prevented from the Brooklyn Bridge, although recent controversies regarding these rescues have led to a new nickname: ‘Groper of the Bridge’. Captain Honor is currently under review for acceptance into the Hall of Justice supergroup, but his nomination has been threatened by accusations of sexual assault made by Patricia Swanswell, a NYU student who claims Captain Honor groped her while saving her from a fall in October 2017. Swanswell initially made these allegations in an anonymous letter to The New York Times but decided to go public after Captain Honor described the letter as ‘fictitious’ and suggested it was a desperate attack from one of his ‘many embittered nemeses’.

Captain Honor

Highly controversial Brooklyn-based superhero who is capable of flight and superhuman strength. Known as the ‘Guardian of the Bridge’ due to the high number of suicide attempts he has prevented from the Brooklyn Bridge, although recent sexual assault allegations have led to the nicknames ‘Groper of the Bridge’ and ‘Captain Boner’. Captain Honor’s nomination to Manhattan’s Hall of Justice supergroup has been postponed for an internal investigation into recent accusations made by Patricia Swanswell, a NYU student who claims Captain Honor groped her while saving her from a fall in October 2017. After Captain Honor dismissed Swanswell’s anonymous letter as ‘fictitious’ and her public statements as ‘confused’, famed superhero photographer Jane Rothschild tweeted a photo of the incident in which the superhero appears to be grabbing Swanswell’s left breast. In response, Hall of Justice review board members Rooster Boy, Mr Hugegantic and Sheriff Sherlock have promised a ‘lengthy and very thorough investigation’.

 

Captain Honor

Highly controversial Manhattan-based superhero and Hall of Justice member who is capable of flight and superhuman strength. Known as the ‘Groper of the Bridge’ or ‘Captain Boner’ in reference to the sexual assault allegations that have made him a target of the burgeoning #Hero2Whom movement. Captain Honor’s acceptance into the Hall of Justice supergroup had previously been in doubt, but a two-day internal investigation dismissed the accusations made by Patricia Swanswell, a NYU student who claims Captain Honor groped her while saving her from a fall in October 2017. Despite public criticism over the all-male make-up of the Manhattan supergroup’s review board, and rumours that the panel had declined to hear from a number of accusers, the Hall of Justice decided to accept Captain Honor’s testimony that the inappropriate contact with Swanswell, shown in a photo tweeted by famed superhero photographer Jane Rothschild, had been ‘accidental and unpreventable during an attempt to save a deeply troubled life’.  

Captain Honor

Divisive Manhattan-based superhero and Hall of Justice member who is capable of flight and superhuman strength. Nicknamed ‘Groper of the Bridge’ and ‘Captain Boner’, in reference to the multiple sexual assault allegations that have made him one of the targets of the growing #Hero2Whom movement, alongside other recently accused superheroes such as Hall of Justice member Rooster Boy. After a controversial Hall of Justice internal investigation dismissed the accusations of sexual assault made by NYU student Patricia Swanswell, five other women, including famed superhero photographer Jane Rothschild, publicly stated that they had also been groped by the superhero during falls from the Brooklyn Bridge, and that the all-male Hall of Justice had refused to hear their testimonies. In response to the latest wave of allegations, Captain Honor promised to ‘listen and learn’ from his accusers, but also questioned the memories of ‘women so troubled as to have decided to end their lives’.

Captain Honor

Divisive Manhattan-based superhero and Hall of Justice member who is capable of flight, superhuman strength, and possibly mind-control. Known as the ‘Groper of the Bridge’ and ‘Captain Boner’ in reference to the high number of sexual assault allegations that have made him one of the targets of the powerful #Hero2Whom movement, alongside other recently accused superheroes such as Hall of Justice members Rooster Boy and Mr Hugegantic. After a controversial Hall of Justice internal investigation dismissed the accusations of sexual assault made by NYU student Patricia Swanswell, more than a dozen other women have publicly stated that they had also been groped by the superhero during falls from the Brooklyn Bridge, and have also begun questioning whether the superhero had mentally coerced them into jumping. One of these women, famed superhero photographer Jane Rothschild, wrote a New York Times op-ed in which she revealed that her mood on the day of her apparent suicide attempt had been ‘upbeat and positive’, and that she has been trailing Captain Honor for years due to her scepticism over the ‘sudden mysterious impulse’ that had caused her to climb the bridge stanchion and jump. These new claims have led to increased pressure on the embattled all-male Hall of Justice supergroup to expel or even convict their newest member.

Captain Boner

Supervillian and current Hall of Justice nemesis who is capable of flight, superhuman strength and mind-control. Formerly known as Captain Honor, before his superhero status was destroyed by allegations of sexual assault that made him a target of the worldwide #Hero2Whom movement, alongside other recently accused superheroes such as Rooster Boy, Mr Hugegantic and Sheriff Sherlock. After a controversial Hall of Justice internal investigation dismissed the accusations of sexual assault made by NYU student Patricia Swanswell, more than twenty women, including famed superhero photographer Jane Rothschild, signed a petition stating that the former superhero had infiltrated their minds, forced them to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and then groped them in mid-air. In response to the petition, the all-male Hall of Justice supergroup labelled Captain Boner a ‘villain in disguise’ and declared their intention to ‘convict him of his heinous and upsetting crimes’. Captain Boner is currently at large after escaping the supergroup’s Manhattan headquarters.  

Captain Boner

Deceased supervillain and former Hall of Justice member/nemesis who was capable of flight, superhuman strength and powerful mind-control. Formerly known as Captain Honor, before his superhero status was destroyed by allegations of sexual assault and mind-control that made him a target of the worldwide #Hero2Whom movement, which has also accused superheroes such as Rooster Boy, Mr Hugegantic and Sheriff Sherlock. In response to more than twenty women signing a petition stating that Captain Boner had infiltrated their minds, forced them to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and then groped them in mid-air, the Hall of Justice supergroup declared their intention to convict their former member of his ‘heinous and upsetting crimes’, and tracked him to his lair in Dumbo, Brooklyn. After Captain Boner was killed in the ensuing battle, Hall of Justice members Rooster Boy, Mr Hugegantic and Sheriff Sherlock revealed how the supervillain had long been using his ‘impressively wide-ranging’ mind-control powers to force ‘a number of otherwise good heroes to commit reprehensible and uncharacteristic acts’. The supergroup has since declared the ‘unfortunate’ Captain Boner affair to be closed, stating that the city is ‘once again safe for man and woman alike’. ▼

Image: Luis Cortés


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Alex Cothren

Alex Cothren holds a PhD in Creative Writing from Flinders University. He is a winner of the Carmel Bird, William van Dyke and Peter Carey Awards for short fiction, and he has writing published in Meanjin, Island, Griffith Review, Ruminate and Australian Book Review. His short story collection, Let’s Talk Trojan Bee, was shortlisted for the 2021 Speculate Prize.

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